[tulip] Perfect Translations Joke of the day!

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Tue, 10 Jul 2001 16:53:49 +0200


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      Joke of the Day!

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Reasons To Be A Single Man:


Cooking my own meals would be an adventure, not a punishment.

I wouldn't have to explain why I'm wearing "that" shirt with "those" pants.

I could leave the toilet seat in any position I damn well please.

I could actually tell the bartender, "If anyone calls, I'm here".

I'd be painting the town instead of the house.

When I get home after work, I don't have to start work again.

I could show my girlfriend where I live.

I'd be driving a miniskirt instead of a minivan.

The only weeds I'd be concerned with are the ones I'm rolling.

I would have saved $372,416.21 in groceries by now.

I wouldn't catch so much grief about those skid-marks in my underwear!

I'd get to see what my paycheck looks like.

I'd get to see what my credit cards look like.

You can see a different face when you wake up in the morning, every day of
the week!

Going to a strip club doesn't have to be a covert mission.

Bachelors don't have Mother-in-laws.

I wouldn't have to watch sub-titled French films.

I could home drunk to sleep, instead of under a bridge.

I could use my own name at hotels.

I wouldn't have a driving instructor grading me every time I go somewhere.

When asked his opinion, a single guy can say "Hell yes, you're fat
 

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Definitions of words by gender...

THINGY (thing-ee) n. 
Female: Any part under a car's hood. 
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. 
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. 
Male: Playing football without a helmet. 

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. 
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. 
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with
the boys.

BUTT (but) n 
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look
bigger." 
Male: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal.
Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. 
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. 

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. 
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. 
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking. 

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. 
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion. 
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding. 

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. 
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. 
Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed. 

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. 
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2&1/2 min.


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